We all hear and often say that change is a good thing.
Just last week I said that I love it and welcome it.
I LIED.
Certain changes, like moving to a new place, or getting a new job, can be exciting and thrilling. Others like having to buy smaller jeans, or getting a raise at work, are more than welcome. However the most prominent change, loss, is absolutely terrible. I don't mean just death, I mean loss of relationships, friendships, or loss of consistency, changes in patterns that make us feel uneasy. These forms of change are down right tear jerking. I have found myself experiencing much of this form of change recently, and frankly, it's time for it to stop.
1.
A little over a year ago I lost a best friend whom I though I was going to grow old with. We talked daily and made time for each other as much as possible, yet for some reason, she up and decided she was "over it." Then many of my friends graduated college, and we simply lost connection. And further, I lost connection with people whom I'd only just begun to bond with.
I realize that we are all going in our own paths in this world, and that sometimes certain changes are necessary. I also realize that what happens to us, socially, in college, will not always be detrimental to our future. However, at present, it hurts.
2.
I am not just speaking of myself either. I see changes in other people's lives. I've cried over break ups that were not my own, and the friend involved have no idea. I've cried for the pain others feel in their relationships (with friends and significant others) during disputes. I feel as though if things can't work out for the people I care about, then they will certainly never work out for me. I should not internalize these changes the way I do, yet it happens.
I hate to see others in pain. I hate to sit back and watch these situations knowing I can do nothing about it. I hate that I cannot control everything and keep everyone I love happy. I really hate it.
3. I'm getting old. I'm graduating college within the next year. I'll soon be leaving behind the comforts of home and joining the military. I put on a brave face, which is not at all an act, but inside I can't help but anticipate the pain coming. I am a family girl. I have no idea how I am going to be able to handle being away from home for so long. The adventurer on me is excited about the next stage of my life, but I do have smaller, lesser known, personality that clings to my home life. I am scared to death of what is coming.
I have been wanting to get this off my chest for some time, and now I have. So, thanks for reading, and goodnight!
